Dissociative Identity Disorder is described as the presence of two or more distinct personality states, making the presence of these multiple personalities or Alters the most well-known symptom of DID. Alters are created as a defense mechanism, a form of protection for the original personality, which is usually the host. The first alters are usually formed in early childhood, but more alters can be made or become “active” all though a person’s life.

There can be as few as two personality states or as many as hundreds, however, the most common number seems to be 10-12. Personalities can be anything. Any race, ethnicity, age, gender, sex, etc. Some may not even be human. I have heard of people having animals or mythological creatures like fairies as alters. All of mine are at least humanoid I believe. They can come from different time periods or even other planets or fictional places. Each alter has a unique body type and looks. They can have unique jobs (in the headspace) and interests. Alters often do excel at skills and the host and other alters may not possess at all. Alters choose their name. It could be a normal human name or even the name of an object, place, or trait, anything really.

Alters can be triggered to front if something sudden or scary happens that reminds the host of something bad or just scares the host. For example a few months ago I was lying in bed and the biggest thunder clap I have ever heard happened and it sounded like a gun or something.  Someone took over for that. It wasn’t real danger, but the sudden fear triggered someone, most likely Cid, to take over. Alters can also be triggered to front of they see or hear something they like such as a Tv show or music or a hobby or something generally interesting to them. Littles, or child alters, can be triggered to the front by seeing toys for example.

 Personalities including the host live together in the person’s head. This is called the headspace or the system. I will talk about this often, so it’s important to know what this means. The system is the meeting place for all of the alters. Some people are more connected with their system than others. I am not connected with mine. I have had a couple of faint dreams that supposedly took place in our system, but I don’t remember being their consciously. Usually when I am not in control I have amnesia. I will write more about how the headspace/system works later, but this is basically where all of the personalities “live” while not in control of the body. This helps with organization and helps us know who is in the system even if they don’t take control.  

I currently have around 12 that I have heard of, however, not all of them “front” or take control of my body. I only know of 10 that have in the past year, some of them as few as once. There are only 2 or 3 that do so often. I thought I would make this post about them to explain a little more about how it works for me, or us. Each personality is valued as an individual so to include everyone when talking about things concerning everyone it is recommended to say we or us. I have a bad habit of not doing that which stems from  years of taking the “Maybe if I ignore it it’ll go away” approach, but it makes the others upset so I will try to be mindful to include everyone when speaking about things that everyone is involved with.

I can’t describe each one in detail even if I were able to. That is for them to do and not my place. If that is something you would be interested in reading, I might be able to arrange for some them to take control and do so if they agree. Right now, I am going to briefly mention the ones I know about and how they came about to the best of my knowledge.

The one I hear about most is called Cid. He fronts so much that he is considered a co-host. Most of the time if I’m not in control he is. As far as I know he was the first alter that was created when I was around five years old. He will not say why even when he speaks to therapists and says it’s better that he doesn’t, so I have no idea why this began. He is a lot more laid back than I am, so he usually takes over for generally stressful situations or just normal bad days.

There is one called hateful. Hateful is, well, hateful. Apparently recently he is also calling himself Connor. I don’t know why. He is aggressive and takes over when he feels that is needed to achieve a goal. Other times he seems to be plain hateful for no reason and is not appreciated during those times.

 One is called Torturer. He is not nice. I don’t think anyone in the system likes him. I’m not sure why he even exists but he doesn’t seem to protect me from anything. He used to come out a lot when I was a teen and would cut me and things like that, but he doesn’t seem to come out quite as much anymore which is a good thing.

Toss is very depressed, like super duper depressed. He named himself from the act of tossing oneself off a bridge. He takes over in the worst depressive times. I don’t think he’s been active recently, either, unless it was during my extremely difficult tine over the summer, but I don’t know for sure. I don’t remember a lot of the summer and I don’t know who all was fronting instead.

Cassiel was created recently as a mediator personality. I think he might be an angel or something? I don’t know for sure. He is attempting to organize the system and get everyone, including myself, to communicate better. He was created out of the frustration of never knowing what is going on, so he’s here to oversee everything. He is conscious with almost everyone, I think. I hear his voice sometimes, but he’s the only one I hear most of the time. Some people can hear most or all of their alters all of the time. I am cut off from mine for the most part unless he needs to tell me something important. He helped me figure out what day it was an when I worked again earlier today when I was confused.

Cassiel started a journal for everyone to write their name down and some things about themselves. I have names but the rest is blank for most of them. Here are names of alters I know nothing about: Ryan, Hayden, Orion, Cyrus, Saros, an unnamed female, and a little (child). I don’t think these front often if at all.

Right now the way we communicate is through their journal and through notes either on the computer or written on the refrigerator. Whenever I realize I’ve lost time and feel confused the first thing I do is look for notes. For example, today I had a note from hateful telling me tasks he got done that I have struggled with for months. This is just the first step in some sort of normalcy. Before I had no idea what was going on 90% of the time because everything seemed so fractured. Everything still feels fractured, but it helps when notes make it easier to catch up on what I missed.

I hope this gives some sort of idea of the function of alters. I am open to questions. In the next post, which will hopefully come sooner than this one did, I will talk more about systems and how the headspace works for me. I know this has been a long post so thank you for sticking with me.